It’s not that I’m not inspired at the moment, not at all. But you know those moments, when you surf the web or find a book or note or hear someone talking and suddenly you feel like wirting? It might be anything. Just a small thought, another point of view that makes you feel so inspired, a question that lets you reconsider your attitude or a picture, a view, whether an impressive mountain or a small pathway just around the corner of your house, where the light suddenly falls just slightly different and transforms an ordinary place into the most magic and – again- inspiring heavenly lieu. And when I sumbled across this site (pointing upwards) — in a manner of speaking, I used stumble-upon to find it — I felt like… well, like taking those questions, probably not all of them but a few chosen ones, to give my writing a direction and to scrutinize my life. So, here goes number one:
- Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced.
Weeeell. First, when I read this, I thought about an object and there was nothing that came to my mind. Yes, of course there are some things that I gave to someone that cannot be replaced. But I can’t think of anything that I’d consider a real loss, so I will take the question in a metaphorical meaning. I think I lost my way of being myself without having to think about it. Probably this doesn’t sound like it made any sense but you have to imagine: A girl, always an outsider but always proud of herself and not in any way ready to change herself for anyone or anything, starts to be accepted and finally becomes popular among her friends. And their friends. And so forth. And she likes it. The problem is not, that she believes she needs to change, but she starts to think about what people might like about her. And now tries to be herself and starts doing it counsciously, which brings up a new problem: you can’t try to be natural, because the moment you try you only pretend. If you are, for example, the comedian kind of guy or girl, someone who always knows a good joke because you just have it in yourself, you are so horribly NOT funny when you try to be. Because it is the spontanity of your jokes that makes people laugh. Or you are someone who just knows how other people feel and always knows a way to comfort them – Don’t even think about thinking about it, suddenly everyone seems to have huge problems and you start getting everyone on the nerves by trying to help where no help is needed.
Yes, I think my spontanity is something I lost and can’t get back.. At least not on purpose.