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Thousand Years

We met, it feels like some thousand years ago.

what would happen later on I couldn’t yet know. 
But you were on my happy side, you always were
I can’t even say how you got there.

When I remember happy times, there’s two persons on my mind. 
And one of them is you, isn’t that kind of kind? 
You and your friends, that’s who you were,
back in those days. 
I hadn’t thought you’d still be there,

just you, but in a hundred different ways.

Catch me if you can, I dare you! 
That’s how I fight. 
And you caught me every time, 
though you never even tried.

Für Martin.
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random thought about love.

black and white. that’s not life’s way.

everything, even me, is grey.
or any other colour in between,
sometimes all of them,
sometimes only red, yellow or green.
relationships can’t be fairytale-ones.
I’d though I had one of those once
and it was ripped apart in the most horrible way.
hurt to the last bit of my heart
I now prefer grey.
laughing and crying is what trust means
and love. It’s not all is perfect, it’s it can work.
i don’t want you to be perfect, cause I’m far from it.
and I don’t want to spend my life thinking about whether I deserve   you or not.
OR why.
Love is not about deserving anything. You don’t deserve.
You fight for it, but it doesn’t guarantee you anything. Love is about support,
about being better together than you are on your own.
I’m better with you. You’re not white and shiny and perfect.
But you’re just the right size and colour for me.
My winter jacket when I’m cold, and like my toothbrush you help me to spit the bad taste of life out on some days.

10 things…

… I want to do until I’m forty.

1) learn how to ride a pony. Well.
2) get married.
3) write something I’m actually proud of
4) visit my family in Australia. The family I’ve never met in my life.
5) be a mother
6) dance a tapdance tournament.
7) know how to survive in the wilderness. For at least three days. without anything. And then do it.
8) make my own jewelry and sell at least one piece of it, not to a friend.
9) buy one piece of expensive art just because it suits my living room.
10) travel all alone to some lonely place with wonderfull landscape

10 things…..

… I collect

1.) memories.
All kind of. Written down experiences, pictures, paintings. Sometimes I even write down dialogues afterwards. Call me creepy, but memories are the most precious things I own.

2.) poems, philosophical short-stories or citations.
Everything that might make you think, even just for a second, about life. And please, I’m not talking about those horrible „live today like it’s the last“  kind of things you can read nearly everywhere. No, I’m going for the specials, those that really make me pause and give me goosebumps or tears in the corner of my eye.

3.) nail polish.
Yes it’s true, I finally seem to be a real girl. After years of telling everyone I hate shopping, cannot tell the difference between Gareth Gates and Sting, would politely ask Mischa Barton to tell my the way instead of to give me her autograph, did never watch any series and possess at a maximum the huge number of 8 pairs of shoes I now finally commit to really, truly be a girl for the first time. Great isn’t it?

4.) Colours.
There is always a favorite one and then everything in that colour may be bought. It all started with frog-green(still in love with it!), then it was black (urgh), red for a very short time, lilac and by now it’s brown or all kinds of earthly shades. And this goes from clothes and nailpolish (who’d have thought it) up to my bedroom walls.

5.) wishes for my personal future.
I make lists with everything I want to achieve in my life, every profession I might want to try out (you never know if you only get to live once, why not try as much as you can?), every country I want to travel to, every instrument I want to learn. Well, I think it’s the best sorted collection as I always keep editing the list and not just adding to it, I finally accepted that my life will probably be too short to really try ANYTHING I want to, so I will go for the tops.

6.) Recipes.
I love cooking but I hate recipe books. I’m not exactly someone who eats about anything, I‘, a difficult eater as my Mom puts it. Well, I think that’s not exactly true, I just prefer making my own recipe with only those things in it, that I really like. So I change them, try different things out and eventually create my own list of recipes – not one of wich got written down by now. Memory training :)

7.) photographs.
and I’m not talking about memories in this case. My German teacher once said: art that contains too much memory or feeling only is beautiful to the one who is familiar with those. No, I have many pictures that do not contain any important memory but that are just beautiful. A certain look on someone’s face, the perfect lighting, a lost sunray. Sometimes also the beauty of destruction or imperfection…  There are two forms of beatuy. One: admiration, this is the one that belongs to art. Two: love, meaning the memories in this case.

8.) Postcards and letters.
Those I got from friends and those I wrote myself.

9.) empty bottles.
Don’t ask me why, probably I’m just to lazy to bring them back to the store but I swear, I really can’t tell you.

10.) Mobile phones.
I’m not doing this on purpose. It seems to me like some sort of really crazy (espacially for a girl) addiction, but I’ve had about 9 different mobile phones in the last 2 years. And I don’t have anything to do with them at work. I know some guys who find it creepy and I must admit I do so myself. and quite expensive to be honest. But truly, I hope this will be my first collection I will give up. (Don’t hope, friend….. decide)